Let’s Talk About Love
It all begins with an idea.
In many of the conversations I hear about love -love of self, love of others, love of life - I am noticing a tendancy to seemingly conflate “love” and “like.” In much the same way I have come across some great distinctions between being “nice” versus being “kind,” I think it is prudent to start with a discussion of what we mean here by “love” - otherwise we risk profound misunderstanding.
In his sermon titled “Love Your Enemies” Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. gently reminds us that while Jesus preaches a strong message of loving thine enemy, he says nothing about liking them. This observation makes me smile as we both get a glimpse of Dr King’s sense of humor, and at the same time receive a powerful lesson on love. There is no requirement to like the beings we love. We may not even be able to stand them.
Whether one ascribes to certain religious beliefs or dogma or not, in this context is, to me, moot. What is being pointed out here is that love is independent of concepts and feelings of liking, enjoying, agreeing with, being aligned with, wanting to be around an individual or group. Loving is recognizing and respecting the inherit value of each and every living beings’ life force (love) and reflecting that back to them. It has nothing to do with liking, although admittedly, it is wonderful when the two meet.
I am reminded of something my dad used to say to me growing up as a kid, “I love you and I like you.” To which I used to reply, “Of course! You have to because you are my Dad.” He would sagely reply, “No, I’m your Dad. I have to love you. I don’t have to like you, but I do both.” Something that has taken me almost until now to fully appreciate.
When we love others unconditionally we are activating the part of us that is inherently love and recognizing the part of the other that is inherently love, by treating them accordingly we create MORE LOVE. That means that when met with contracting energy/negativity/hatred we do not meet like with like; instead we match that energy with expansive energy/positivity/love. (Dr King told us that, too.)
Does that mean that you allow yourself to be abused/taken advantage of? Absolutley not. Allowing yourself to be abused is no more loving than perpetrating that abuse on another (you too have inherent value, you too deserve and require love from yourself and others.) Lobbing insults, ill itentions, wishing the wrath of all things righteous, or worse is not, in fact, a loving act. It’s just more of the ugly energy. And as has been proven time and time again, what we put our energy towards grows. I don’t know about you, but when thinking about what I want to grow, I feel like love could use a lot more attention these days.
Could you imagine if we reacted to people, including ourselves, with the same mindset with which we react to babies? Instead of the way we treat each other, essentially, once we enter firmly into puberty?
Generally, babies are considered loveable and loved, they are considered bundles of love and joy. More or less it is understood that babies are not considered “bad,” “evil,” “worthless,” “useless,” or “undeserving” of love, care, compassion or forgiveness. How many times have you heard of a baby be described as “perfect”?
I think we would be hardpressed to find resistence to the idea of babies’ inherent worthiness to be loved. All this is true even though babies could be described as selfish “takers”, who never do for themeselves, who keep their exhausted caregivers running behind them, never giving them a break or considering their needs/wants, all the time expecting to be waited on hand and foot. Not to mention loved, adored, ooo-ed and awww-ed after. Praised, encouraged, comforted, played with, and be reminded of the inherent goodness of their beings. We easily see the inherent value of babies and their inherent loveability and worth, their perfection.
Hey!! Weren’t YOU a baby?!?!
When we come into the world as babies, we learn about our new home by becoming “a mirror of what [we] see,” which can support or hinder us in our ability to be our individual expressions of Pure Love. We are birthed into a world that has been shaped and molded by those who got here before us, and frankly, many of them learned of lack of love cultivation, usually of self, by their caretakers and life “guides.” It’s easy to love babies because we don’t blame them yet for their strategies (coping mechanisms) for getting their needs met, self-soothing and seeking love/comfort.
What is, in fact, a loving act when met with someone (ourselves included) behaving “poorly,” is seeking to find the truth below what’s being expressed outwardly. What we most often find, if we look, is a desire by each of us to be seen, to be valued, to feel worthy, to feel whole, to have needs met, and ultimately to feel loved. We must start with the Greatest Love of All, the love of self, such that we may love others. You can’t give what you don’t have. (Thanks Dakota Chief) You must have love to give love. But once you have that, you’re golden!
When we can love others and reflect back the light we see in them, no matter how obscured by clouds it may seem, we remind others and ourselves, that we are all, indeed, deserving of love. That we are, indeed, all good at the core of our being, and that we deserve beauty, light and LOVE.
So won’t you please join me in my commitment to love of all stripes? My love theory is that when we love ourselves and each other, when we look for, and inevitably find the divinity (love) that is in each and every one of us, that is when we invite heaven on earth.
And then, each and everyone one of us will know our inherent value, beauty, and perfect LIGHT.
I can’t wait! Thank you. I love you.